Respond NOT React

"A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare" Proverbs 15:1

Many people repeat the famous quote, "life is 10% what actually happens to you and 90% how you react to." Each day is made up of 86,400 seconds. That's a lot of opportunities to have all kinds of things come at you--for things to go right or, as they often do, to go wrong. There are 86,400 chances to either react to these things or respond to them.

You might be thinking, "Wow, thanks for the two synonyms Captain Obvious. Those are the same exact thing." In our casual, everyday language these two words do tend to get used interchangeably, but there is an inherent, distinct difference between the two, and I think it's worth going on a little "English teacher tangent" to look at these words a little more closely.

React typically means something instantaneous as a result of certain circumstances or conditions--like a chemical reaction in a science experiment. You combine the particular ingredients (like bumper-to-bumper traffic when you're already running late to school/work) and BOOM! you've got a reaction, and usually not a very good one.

Reactions tend to be heat of the moment, circumstance-based, and feeling driven. Response, on the other hand, is typically used for things spoken and written (think about where you tend to see this word--like on an essay prompt "give a thoughtful response" or "carefully respond"), implying by its very definition and common use that it takes a bit more time and careful consideration than an instantaneous reaction.

What would happen if we took the time to respond to people, circumstances, etc., rather than just reacting? I believe that at least 90% of our lives (based on the quote) would be a whole lot better! Instead of walking around negative, frustrated, angry, and generally all worked up, we could have peace and keep our joy from being stolen by our circumstances! Beyond that, we might just spread joy and peace to others!

As the second part of the verse for today says, "harsh words make tempers flare." When you react to a situation, most of the time that instantaneous, gut, feeling-based reaction is not going to be the kindest or most peace-seeking. If you're anything like me and struggle with having a victim mentality and/or are easily offended and quick to get defensive or argumentative, this is especially hard because we're likely to spout off the first thing that comes to mind that has been conceived by the anger and frustration we let into our hearts ("what you say flows from your what is in your heart" Luke 6:45).

I know that in this day and age everything is instantaneous--from our oatmeal and coffee to our news and etc.--but we need to pump the breaks just a bit, bite our tongues, take a breath, whatever it takes to hold on to our joy and peace! As the first part of this verse says, "a gentle answer deflects anger." Our words hold SO much power! In various places all throughout the Bible, it speaks to the power of words, but in this verse it specifically says that our words--if taken the time to use wisdom and form into a carefully selected, gentle response--have the ability to totally deflect anger, one of the most powerful and difficult to manage human emotions.

How are you using your words? Are you responding or simply reacting? Slow down and unlock the power within your words!

Application for Teachers:
One of the best pieces of advice that I have received in my journey to becoming a teacher thus far is to "never get into a power struggle with your students." You will inevitably have those students that want to test you. They just seem to know exactly where every one of your buttons is placed and just how to push them, as I have already experienced in my time spent with 8-9 year olds, 7th graders, and especially 11th graders. If you're not careful, however, you can let these children (combined with the other circumstances of your day) get you so frustrated and upset that you are no longer in control of your emotions or your classroom, and you are reacting instead of responding.

The same person who gave me this advice about avoiding the power struggle concluded with, "when you engage in a power struggle with your student(s) you always lose." Instead of engaging in this type of confrontation with your students, apply this verse! Take a minute if you need to get your emotions under control and respond--NOT react-- to whatever behavior your student(s) is/are exhibiting. Many of your students will be used to the yelling and fighting that happens at home, on TV, etc. Your gentle words and patient response will not only model good behavior/stress management for them, but also communicate a level of caring that they might never have experienced before!

 Loving your students--and most importantly, showing them the love of Christ--might be as simple as taking a few extra seconds to respond to them with gentleness! You can use your words in everyday, common situations to make a HUGE impact in their lives!